Would you like another drink, Oakmont?
There’s food at the bar. Fill your boots.
You are more than welcome to stay, as long as you keep tormenting the world’s best golfers and forcing them to the exit with their hats and coats.
We are only a few beverages in, the shots and the spirits are a few hours away yet, and you have already been intolerable. We thank you, but do not quit now.
Bryson DeChambeau has left before the weekend with Ludvig Aberg, Cameron Smith, Tommy Fleetwood, Dustin Johnson, Shane Lowry, and Justin Thomas. Just the right number of scalps have been claimed. Now, for more.
A stake has emerged in recent months between golfers and reporters, with a debate that questions why the former need to spend their precious time speaking to the latter.
Fast forward to US Open week in Plum, Pennsylvania and we have Shane Lowry appearing to say ‘F*ck this place’, Rory McIlroy destroying a tee marker and launching a club from his hands, and countless yells of horror and desperation from other players’ mouths.
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How hard is Oakmont Country Club? Tune in this weekend to find out
It is for the aforementioned reasons that fuel columns like this. Players have never had it so good with the money they earn, and the options they have to earn it. Don’t like earning millions on the PGA Tour? Fine, get paid millions up front to join LIV Golf and earn even more millions there.
Want to join an indoor simulator golf league? Here’s more free money.
Oakmont doesn’t have any of it. Hand your reputation in at the door. Not a fan of the 300-yard par 3 8th hole? Oakmont doesn’t care. A few yards off the fairway but in thick, unplayable rough? Oakmont doesn’t care.
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I won’t tar every golfer with the same entitled brush. I have spoken to many of the players in the field before this week in various work capacities, and have enjoyed the pleasure of doing so.
But there is a place in my head where I go to chuckle when the US Open comes around, because deep down, I can imagine some players dreaming of the CJ Cup Byron Nelson and the American Express. All of those beautiful, wide landing zones and those comfortable birdie opportunities. 18-under for 72 holes? Congratulations, you came 17th.
Oakmont has turned 75s and 76s into respectable scores. Well done, sir. You must’ve played well.
You’re not in preschool this week. The strictest boarding school headmaster is on the premises now, so you must buck up your ideas.
Oakmont had a little warning in the form of Sam Burns on Friday, who shot a quite stunning 65 to jump into the lead at the 125th edition of America’s national championship.
US Open 2025 leaderboard after two rounds
| Player | Score |
| Sam Burns | -3 |
| J.J Spaun | -2 |
| Viktor Hovland | -1 |
| Adam Scott | E |
| Ben Griffin | E |
| Victor Perez | +1 |
| Thriston Lawrence | +1 |
| Russell Henley | +2 |
| Brooks Koepka | +2 |
| Si Woo Kim | +2 |
| Thomas Detry | +2 |
I’ve given praise where it’s due, but no more now, Oakmont. Henry Fownes didn’t abandon his nine-hole course in Highland Park to build this beast over 100 years ago, only for cheeky tour professionals to play 18 holes bogey-free.
What is promising for the maniacs like me, who revel in watching misery and carnage unfold for hours on end, is that Oakmont hasn’t even touched the sides yet.
The free bar has just opened, and the buffet cart is on its way.
The golf course has taken on rain like you wouldn’t believe in the days before the tournament, and took on some more on Friday evening when players were racing against the end-of-play hooter.
The truly fearsome firm and fast conditions haven’t arrived yet, and sadly might not. But this isn’t to suggest the brutality will relent. Not on your nelly.
We’ll get a worthy champion, but three players under par after 36 holes is three too many. Think of yourself 18 years ago in 2007, Oakmont. The good old days of trench warfare and 5-over winning scores.
You’ve been fantastic so far, Oakmont, but it’s not enough. Keep being unbearable. Let’s see some tears.
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