Take a deep breath, forget there will be golf going on around you, and stand in line. It’s going to be a while.
That Masters badge proudly hangs off the lapel but you’re not going straight to the course? You’ve got to really want something, and I mean absolutely desire it, to swap that experience for a queue.
Yet there’s something mesmeric about that famous logo, even if it’s just shining off a ceramic globe, that makes you want to yell, ‘here, take my money!’ Yes, I’m talking about the Masters Golf Shop and the Masters merch.
It does odd things to people.
Patience, though. Before the mortgage can be splurged – we’ll get onto that shortly – you’ve got to get in first.
You see, it’s a rite of passage. A queue that has to be seen to be believed. A huge stream of humanity, sweeping out from the entrance, tracing through labyrinth lines, and keeping on past the driving range and pitching area.
I had to run the gauntlet. It was 58 minutes. That’s how long it took from joining the queue to grabbing a shopping bag as the Augusta National Women’s Amateur began to reach its dramatic climax on Saturday.
I may even be one of the lucky ones. I was told it can get into a couple of hours as Masters week really gets into gear. And a greeter told someone standing at the head of the line they can see 30 to 35,000 visitors a day on the practice rounds.
That must be nearly everyone who holds a ticket.
We Brits love a queue, don’t we? It’s almost part of our culture and this one – even though its size demands second thoughts – is beautifully organised and borne with bonhomie. There is no cutting in.
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It’s a bit more Supermarket Sweep when you enter the huge metropolis of Masters merch. Everywhere you turn, people are grabbing items.
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Masters merch queue: How much do people spend?
It’s not a panic, the Masters doesn’t do that, or even frenetic. But let’s just say there is a pace to proceedings.
Look! There’s a guy with seven hats – and they are all the same. How many garden flags can one person carry? It’s being put to the test.
You’ll run out of trying to guess the number of ways a product can hold a Masters logo, but it’s certainly fun trying to find out.
I’ve realised why patrons are allowed a gate re-entry. It’s because when you’re so laden with shopping, you’ve just got to go back to the car!
So what damage is it going to do to your financial prospects? Is my child’s university fund under threat?
There are figures bounded about. Tales of big hitters dropping fortunes. Golf WRX reporter Joe Pompliano estimated the outlets were taking $1 million an hour – or $70 million for the week.
When you see people weighed down with bags you can believe it. But it’s not that the prices are all out of reach. Hats and T-shirts are around $30 (£24). A simple ball marker weighs in at about £7.
Polos and hoodies – especially from the ‘Tech’ section – can command a meatier price. You’re talking $125 for the latter.
But the shop is so vast, the range of products so immense, that you’ll be able to find something you want without having to call in the receivers.
So what did I shell out? Well, I may have a bit of explaining to do when I get home. And I’ll never want for something with emblazoned with Masters branding ever again. At least not until next year.
I’ll whisper it quietly. $500. It’s worth every penny – and the wait.
Have your say on the Masters merch
Would you wait in line for the Masters Golf Shop and vast array of Masters merch? Even if it was a couple of hours? Let me know with a comment on X.
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