Hello fellow golf nerd enthusiast – I knew you wouldn’t be able to resist clicking on my list of the hardest golfers I can think of. As in, the ones you would least like to get into a fight with. We all love a list at the best of times, don’t we? Right now is anything but – so I thought it would be reassuring to fall back on the kind of thing that used to fill our joyously mundane lives: namely arguing the toss over hypothetical sporting comparisons.
As a game for ladies and gentlemen, perish the thought that golf could ever turn violent. But, given due provocation, I don’t think any of us would want to see any of the following coming at us.
Let’s start at No 10 with…
My hardest golfers: No 10 – Corey Pavin
Not all fights are won by the biggest and strongest – sometimes qualities like cunning, tenacity and snarling front can be even more valuable.
Pavin was a simply obnoxious – in the sense of being the very last man on the USA team the Europeans wanted to be up against – Ryder Cup opponent in the 1990s. This was typified by his chip-in at the 18th at Oak Hill to deny Nick Faldo and Bernhard Langer a half in the Saturday fourballs in 1995.
He also got a little carried away at Kiawah Island four years earlier, briefly confusing sport with war. But that’s another story.
Curiously, he was understated as Ryder Cup captain at Celtic Manor in 2010.
My hardest golfers: No 9 – Greg Norman
People think that Tiger Woods invented the concept of golfers being athletes but that would be doing a disservice to the likes of Greg Norman and Nick Faldo. Even to this day, at the age of 55, Norman is posting pictures of himself in his trunks looking every inch like James Bond. He’s the ultimate macho Aussie who loves nothing more than wrestling with dangerous wild animals. You wouldn’t mess.
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My hardest golfers: No 8 – Suzann Pettersen
Has anyone ever hated losing more than the ferociously competitive Norwegian? In her Solheim Cup debut, on American soil, she came back from five down with five to play to secure a half against Michele Redman.
Her overall record of 18 wins and six halves from 36 matches is astonishing given America’s overall dominance over the period.
Yet she almost brought the whole Solheim Cup down over gimme-gate when insisting that Alison Lee’s short putt had not been conceded and therefore claiming the hole. In doing so she single-handedly dismantled 20 years of European occupation of the Solheim Cup moral high ground.
My hardest golfers: No 7 – Darren Clarke
‘Burly’ is the adjective that springs to mind when describing the 2011 Open champion’s physical appearance. While the Northern Irishman is best described as affable when he has a pint of Guinness in his hand, it can be a different story when his temper frays. Famously, he kept the names of misbehaving journalists in a little black book. It would be a brave man indeed that stood in his way after a couple of missed short putts.
My hardest golfers: No 6 – Brooks Koepka
Along with Norman, Brooks Koepka is the archetypal Alpha Male in this list. He’s big, he’s strong and he’s very, very fit. Unlike Norman, Koepka is merciless when it comes to claiming majors. In recent years, it seems like he has rarely finished in the top 25 in regular tour events and rarely not contended in a major. Fuelled by a perception that he is under-rated by the golfing commentariat, Koepka can be spiky if not surly. It’s not difficult to tell when he’s unhappy. You wouldn’t want to get on the wrong side of him.
My hardest golfers: No 5 – Ian Woosnam
Seemingly almost as wide as he is tall, the quintessential Woosie waddle saw him bustle up the 18th (via the 9th fairway to be strictly accurate) on his way to winning the Masters back in 1991. Nobody was going to get in his way – and wisely nobody tried. You sense that in a fight the Welshman would be vicious and unconventional – either way it would be over quickly.
My hardest golfers: No 4 – Craig Parry
I have no idea whether Parry would be handy in a bar-room brawl, but he wasn’t nicknamed Popeye without reason. Those forearms were/are incredible. Like Woosie, what he lacked in height he more than made up for in heart. He nearly claimed the Open at Carnoustie in 1999 and won on the PGA Tour at Doral in 2004. No wonder he took umbrage when Johnny Miller described his swing in commentary of the latter as “enough to make Ben Hogan puke”. I wonder if Parry ever caught up with him in the parking lot?
My hardest golfers: No 3 – Dottie Pepper
Where to begin? Well, the ruthless and some would say arrogant American got under the Europeans’ skin to such an extent that they put a picture of her on a punchbag in their team room at the 1998 Solheim Cup. During the 2007 Solheim Cup, as a commentator who thought she was off air, she described the American team as “chokin’, freakin’ dogs”. You have to imagine she would be a fearsome opponent in a scuffle. You certainly couldn’t expect her to play by the rules.
My hardest golfers: No 2 – Ernie Els
He never liked the moniker ‘The Big Easy’ even though it was at least half accurate. At 6’ 3” and broad with it, the South African has always cut an intimidating and sizeable figure. Beneath that apparently imperturbable exterior and the trademark refined power of his swing beats the heart of a true competitor. When Els gets upset, it’s best not to be in his firing line. One swing of those mighty fists and you’d be on your back.
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My hardest golfers: No 1 – Ray Floyd
The ultimate streetfighter. The ultimate competitor. Your worst nightmare as an enemy. A four-time major champion (Masters 1976, US Open 1986, PGA 1969 & 82), Floyd also finished runner-up to Nicklaus in the 1978 Open and won the Players. This is a man who in most eras would have been regarded as an out-and-out great.
He also had tremendous longevity. He played eight Ryder Cups, winning seven of them. Even when his game wasn’t exactly where he wanted it nobody could ever take any liberties against Floyd.
His final act as a player was in 1993, 24 years on from his debut, at the age of 51. He duly top-scored for the Americans with three points out of four, beating Jose Maria Olazabal twice in the process.
Conclusion
I also considered the merits of the likes of Patrick Reed, Dustin Johnson, Tiger Woods, Lanny Wadkins, Jon Rahm, Robert Allenby, Tommy Bolt, Brian Barnes, Gordon Sherry and many more.
I think you’ve probably got the idea though.
Do you agree with my choices? How do you think these imaginary fights would play out? Let me know in the comments below or you can tweet me. And come back soon to enjoy another list…
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