Ball in a divot? Here’s the world’s smallest violin playing just for you

Oh, the agony. Let us sit together, weep, and console ourselves at our collective misfortune.

Why? Why God? Why did you do this to me? Am I not a good man? Have I not lived a good life? Why did my ball have to land… in that divot in the fairway? It’s so unfair!

Yes, here it is AGAIN. Listen to yourselves bleating away. Children don’t throw tantrums like this.

But, you blub, I hit a perfect shot. It’s on the short stuff. Why should I be punished? Golf is mean. And the rules suck.

Woe is you. Also, here’s the world’s smallest violin arriving to give you a personal performance.

It’s like my wife says: “What a palaver about something so small.” Sometimes I hit a great shot and – guess what? – the outcome isn’t what I’d hoped. I find my golf ball in a divot, but I don’t stand there stamping my feet and demanding I get a do-over, or to pick the ball out. It’s play the ball as it lies, not play it as I’d like.

But, but, but…

“It’s too hard playing out of one.” It is if you try and launch fairway woods at it. Accept you’ve had a bad break and take your medicine.

But no divot’s going to push you around, is it? Only you’ll hit the ground around three feet behind it and then have a nervous breakdown.

You all act as if you’ve been struck down by the crater that killed the dinosaurs on every other shot. You’ll be hard pushed to find someone who plays more golf than me and I’ve only found two all year. They both came in the same round.

Get on with it. You can cry foul every time a Rules of Golf review comes around and your precious relief is once again overlooked.

Know this truth: it’s never going to happen. Move on. Maybe you’d prefer us to play off mats all year round instead?

I’m calling a halt. This discussion has been done to death. Let’s never speak of it again. Chance would be a fine thing.

What do you think? Is it time for the governing bodies to cave and hand out free relief for balls in a golf divot on the course, or should we stop the crying and just hit our shot? Let us know with a tweet.

• RULES OF GOLF EXPLAINED: Why you can’t get relief from a divot