Traffic is at a crawl. The fairways look like a Friday afternoon on the M25. Threeballs, fourballs, everywhere you look there is traffic.
I like to think I’m more of a sports car than a heavy goods vehicle when it comes to golf. So hanging around and waiting every time I arrive at the junction of a tee or fairway isn’t particularly ideal.
But it’s not like I’ve got anything pressing. Most of the time I’m just happy to be on the course at all. It’s a rarity these days.
Then I see it. The teapot. Or worse still, the double teapot. Let’s not pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about.
I’m lining up a tricky five-footer, or the putting surface has just cleared and I’m about to launch a piercing iron into its heart (all right, all right, I’m going to hook, slice, shank, fat, thin it) and I see them out of the corner of my eye.
The twoball with hands on their hips. They look like something out of a homeware catalogue.
It’s a pose that just screams passive aggression – ’You’re in my way and you should remove yourselves from it as quickly as possible’.
And it’s almost always a trailer for a range of utterly infuriating mannerisms.
Beware the teapot: Behold the mannerisms of these annoying golfers
So if you’ve got a particularly irritating set of teapots you’ll almost certainly also see the following:
– The folded arms: A timeless move, which must be executed with legs placed as wide apart as possible.
– The arm wave: Don’t mistake this for a greeting. These people are not saying ‘hello’.
– The whistle: Do I look like a dog to you?
– The trolley ram: Like the BMW driver nudging you out of the fast lane, they’ll park their trolley next to the tee as they’re heading to the green you’ve just cleared. Then, as you’re about to tee off, they’ll touch wheels. Accidentally on purpose.
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‘Are you going to let us through?’ they will yelp. The group in front have barely started walking ahead and there are two further sets of players already parked on that par 5. They’re just the ones you can see.
But these two are completely ambivalent to that. You should just part like the Red Sea, waste another quarter of an hour watching them hack it about (because it’s guaranteed they will then spray it everywhere), and then spend the rest of the round staring at their backsides.
No one else is going to yield. Here’s a thought. Don’t run after every ball like Usain Bolt and it might be a bit less frustrating. Relax. Chill.
Sometimes, it’s just busy.
Now have your say
Has the Angry Club Golfer got it right on these annoying golfers? Have your say in the comments or why not give him both barrels on tweet him?
