Quick 9: Worst golf phrases to hear during a round

3. “Take a provisional, mate”

“Did you see where that went?”

“Nah, mate. I wasn’t looking. Just take a provisional.”

There is nothing worse than having to plod back to your bag to fish out another ball. You feel the patience of your playing partners, all of whom have smashed their balls down the fairway, is now being tested.

Will you be able to get away with doing your usual pre-shot routine again or just hit it first time?

Conscientiously you opt for the latter.

Then you watch with resigned dejection as the ball bends into Fangorn Forest again.

“Come on! We’ll find it”, your friend tries to say with strained encouragement.

2. “Finish that off”

Miraculously you have just made it to the green in two on a par 4. You suddenly zone out and enter a zen-like state of higher golfing ability. The ball is now just a mere 3ft from the hole. ‘Wait, how did that happen?’, you ask yourself in astonishment.

Then your playing partner utters three dreaded words that no golfer should have to hear.

“Finish that off”

‘OK, no big deal. It’s actually harder to miss this putt’, you try to convince yourself with little conviction.

By the time you have pretended to read the line and performed a few practice swings the pressure you have built up in your head has become too great.

Your wrists bend in your swing as your limp attempt to make a smooth connection ends up in the ball meekly veering off to the left of the hole.

Cue the looks of disgust and bewilderment.

1. “It’s still your turn”

The Battle of the Bunker, as it will be known over the pints in the clubhouse afterwards, has been an epic contest between man and sand.

You have just hacked your way out of the sand in three strokes. As you clamber out of the bunker with sand in your eyes and a sheen of sweat coating your body, your playing partner shouts over: “It’s still your turn.”

“Just play yours”, is your sullen response as you restrain yourself from snapping the sand rake over your knee as you tidy up the mess of footprints and divots you have left in every nook and cranny of the bunker.