There are certain words and phrases during a round that will send a shiver down the spine of a golfer. You will be hard pressed to play 18 holes without hearing one, if not all, of the golf phrases listed below uttered during your game.
Most are usually an indication of how badly a round is going, so they have all been inspired by my own personal experiences/failures on the course.
9. “Should have gone with a different club”
You’ve been contemplating what club to go with while you wait to take your shot. The winds swirling, your mind says one club but your heart says another.
You go for the one with the most loft and try to smash it. Your ball doesn’t move from the line of the flag but you come up short. Your playing partner then decides to come out with the most obvious fact…. “should have hit one more club”
8. “But I struck that really nice”
Your playing partner has taken a million practise swings and is certain their next shot is going to get near the flag.
Instead they nail a block 10 yards right of the green (nearly taking out the group on the next tee box) but think it’s wise to say “but I struck that really nice”.
Good observation but you could hit it ‘nice’ all the time but if you can’t hit it straight it’s no use to you.
7. “You get a shot here”
Your matchplay game is going relatively well and you’ve so far escaped any embarrassing moments. You then receive the information off your partner that this hole is where you get a shot on them.
In a moment of madness you panic over which club you should choose before opting for a hybrid or long iron and end up pulling one out of bounds and your opponent goes on to win the hole with ease.
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6. “It’s just a chip and a putt”
You’ve hit a solid drive down the fairway but your second shot, that looked destined for the green, comes up short. You know your short game is fairly rusty as you walk towards your ball knowing you’ll duff your third shot.
“Just a chip and a putt” comes from your playing partners mouth, heaping more pressure on your next shot.
The only thing you want to do now is hole your chip and give your partner the Poulter eyes.
What really happens is you just end up thinning your shot across the green and settle for a 5.
5. “That looked in all the way”
You’re standing over a putt that it in your head you’re making. You’re determined you’ve judged the right amount of break and judged the speed to perfection.
You hit the putt and it either comes up short or takes an unexpected break near the hole. As you look astonished as to how the ball didn’t find the bottom of the cup, one of your partners (who evidently can’t use a putter) comes out with “looked in all the way”.
You then try and prevent yourself from launching your putter in their direction.
4. “What did you score on that hole?”
You know you have had a bad hole when your mental arithmetic and short-term memory is put to the test as you walk away from the green.
You painstakingly do the sums in your head, ‘Three off the tee, four, five, in the water, seven, bunker, eight, off the back of the green, over to the side of the green, 11, 12’.
The next 17 holes are going to be painful.
3. “Take a provisional, mate”
“Did you see where that went?”
“Nah, mate. I wasn’t looking. Just take a provisional.”
There is nothing worse than having to plod back to your bag to fish out another ball. You feel the patience of your playing partners, all of whom have smashed their balls down the fairway, is now being tested.
Will you be able to get away with doing your usual pre-shot routine again or just hit it first time?
Conscientiously you opt for the latter.
Then you watch with resigned dejection as the ball bends into Fangorn Forest again.
“Come on! We’ll find it”, your friend tries to say with strained encouragement.
2. “Finish that off”
Miraculously you have just made it to the green in two on a par 4. You suddenly zone out and enter a zen-like state of higher golfing ability. The ball is now just a mere 3ft from the hole. ‘Wait, how did that happen?’, you ask yourself in astonishment.
Then your playing partner utters three dreaded words that no golfer should have to hear.
“Finish that off”
‘OK, no big deal. It’s actually harder to miss this putt’, you try to convince yourself with little conviction.
By the time you have pretended to read the line and performed a few practice swings the pressure you have built up in your head has become too great.
Your wrists bend in your swing as your limp attempt to make a smooth connection ends up in the ball meekly veering off to the left of the hole.
Cue the looks of disgust and bewilderment.
1. “It’s still your turn”
The Battle of the Bunker, as it will be known over the pints in the clubhouse afterwards, has been an epic contest between man and sand.
You have just hacked your way out of the sand in three strokes. As you clamber out of the bunker with sand in your eyes and a sheen of sweat coating your body, your playing partner shouts over: “It’s still your turn.”
“Just play yours”, is your sullen response as you restrain yourself from snapping the sand rake over your knee as you tidy up the mess of footprints and divots you have left in every nook and cranny of the bunker.
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