In a perfect world there would be a place for gimmes in golf. Sadly it’s not and there isn’t. Try as we might to find an acceptable length to just concede a putt, the very phrase inside the leather shows just how long we’ve been trying to give each other a knee-knocker, but we still haven’t managed it.
Golf – and life – would be much simpler if we just did away with them and the few seconds it saves in earth time it only adds on in terms of bitterness, resentment, and outright loathing.
Here are 10 reasons to get behind the doing away with one of golf’s affectations…
1. Short putting is a skill
Let me introduce you to Uncle Ron who isn’t a relation of mine but is someone I happened across on a stag do a few years ago.
Ron played off 9, maybe missed one fairway in six rounds, and was the most feisty opponent I’ve ever met.
The one thing that Ron couldn’t do is hole out from very short range and so, in the first couple of holes, he would play out a pantomime where he couldn’t wait to give you a putt of basically any length in the hope that you would follow suit.
Thankfully he was the sort of character who you could happily tell that there won’t be many gimmes today because he knew, and I knew and everyone on the trip knew, that Ron had the worst case of the yips ever born to man.
It was possibly the most painful thing I’ve ever witnessed on a course, to watch someone hit maybe 12 greens a round but was then unable to even catch a slice of the lip from 18 inches.
But there you go, life’s tough and Ron, deep down, wouldn’t have it any other way.
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2. The general lack of dignity
I hate the way gimmes in golf make all of us act. Even if you mark it and get out the way there’s a sense of taking the moral high ground. I’m above all of this, we tell ourselves, so am more than happy to putt out.
Generally speaking though it just lends itself to pathetic, whimpering looks and noises, a snail-like move towards your ball all in the hope that someone is going to take pity on you and tell you to pick it up.
The joy of putting your ball in your pocket is short-lived, easily swamped by the self-loathing that quickly follows. You talk too much and get a bit giggly, it’s all very unbecoming.
3. The faux concede
In the depths of my exhaustive research a friend sent me the following which sums up the shambles that often plays out on various putting surfaces up around the world:
On the 12th hole in the junior club matchplay I putted from about 30 feet up to six inches. The lad I was playing said ‘that’s good’ so I thanked him and picked up my ball.
“He then said he had only been commenting on the quality of my approach putt and wasn’t in fact conceding the putt and claimed the hole. I went on to lose the match as I was so wound up and promptly unravelled.
“I did have the last laugh though as he wet himself on my stag do.
This story is pretty much the norm, other than the last part. Gimmes are awkward, rarely clear and it leaves too much room for some horrific behaviour.
4. Those three little words
Generally speaking most of us behave quite well on the course, we don’t look for silly drops and we don’t try to find small gains whenever possible.
But then we leave ourselves a putt that we don’t really fancy and out comes those dreaded words:
Is that OK?
Given nobody has conceded anything in the tortuous walk to the hole side then you can safely assume that nobody is happy with you bringing the curtain down on your hole quite yet.
By then saying anything you shift everything on to your opponents and they then half mumble something about it being OK, given your pathetic pressuring of the situation, or, ideally, just say no.
Which leads to…
5. The posturing
This is a really grim practice to have to witness. Just because you’ve seen someone do it at the Ryder Cup, either hilariously lying down their putter to fake measure their putt or making some snide comment in front of everyone, or holding out their hands to signify how short the putt was, it doesn’t mean you have to act the tour pro.
You’ll have heard this before but if it’s that short, just knock it in. Just put the ball down where your marker was, as you do in any medal or Stableford competition, and put the ball in the hole and carry on as usual. By doing this you will have preserved your dignity, not sunk to the usual lows and most likely have won the hole.
Still not convinced there is no place for gimmes in golf? Read on to the next page where we discuss the merits of the quick rake, the tiresome mind games, and how a gimme made a mockery of the Solheim Cup…
6. The quick rake
You’ve missed your 12-footer for par and you then scoop your ball up as you don’t fancy what you’ve left yourself coming back. No eye contact is ever made, the ball and putter departing into the sunset in one well-oiled motion and the next time anyone speaks might be the next tee.
It’s all part of the plan. There will be a lot of huffing and puffing in the charade and some affected face pulling as the seeming injustice of the first putt slipping by is seemingly enough for you to play god and just decide for yourself that you’re done here.
Sorry, not good enough, you’re a cheat.
7. The master tacticians
Ever since time began we’ve all been fed this nonsense that someone might give an early three-footer but then “have a look at one” towards the business end of things.
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This, we’re told, is the epitome of brilliant mind games. They won’t have had a single putt from this range and then you strike, swooping like Mike Brearley in his heyday, with your masterstroke.
An alternative view is that gimmes in golf just make everyone feel awkward so you just give an early one so you carry on nicely with your conversation about schools, Holly Willoughby, and Brexit.
Then there are no hard feelings until you look the other way at the 16th when you quickly transform into the devil incarnate.
8. ‘Did I say that was good?’
We’re only six weeks into the new season and we’ve already had our fill of silly rules infringements. Think gimme and your mind might switch to the 2015 Solheim Cup where Alison Lee picked her ball up thinking that her 18-inch putt had been conceded and Suzann Pettersen claimed the hole.
Never has so much been written about the Solheim Cup and none of it any good for the game. And we would have won the cup for the third time running.
Even worse was the semi-final of the US Girls’ Junior when Elizabeth Moon had a three-footer to reach the final but was then shaking hands a loser.
Her short putt missed and she raked up her par putt of 10 inches. Erica Shepherd claimed the hole, the match and, a day later, the title.
9. It’s not proper
When you’re all done and you’re sat there bragging about your possible 39 points in your 4&3 victory you’re papering over the cracks.
Among it all there will have been at least three putts that you might have missed or you conceded to yourself having already won or lost the hole. Don’t confuse a match involving gimmes with anything resembling proper golf.
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10. Gimmes in golf don’t save that much time
I personally couldn’t care less if a round takes five minutes longer if I’ve just spent the previous three and a half hours wondering if I’ve been generous enough with my concessions.
Even when something is given most of us feel the need to hole out anyway, generally making a mess of the back-handed tap-in and raising the awkward levels another notch or two.
By all means speed things up without going through your marking and pre-putt process but do it right. And when you’re in with a chance in the Spring Meeting you’ll be thankful that the task of holing out isn’t something you’ve never done before.
If you could play one hole over and over for the rest of your life
‘Crazy golf just got epic!’ – unlike my behaviour
The never-ending problem of slow play at club level? Solved
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