Strap yourselves in – it's golf's funniest jokes
We’ve all sat there and been regaled by some after-dinner funnies and, like much of our own play, it can be very hit and miss. So I punched “best golf jokes” into Google and decided whether they work or not…
Best golf jokes: R-E-S-P-E-C-T
Four retired men play golf together once a week for many years. One day a funeral procession drives by the course. One man says to the others: “Stop and remove your hats, gentlemen. Show some respect.”
One of the other men asks what’s got into him. “I have never seen you show anybody any respect.”
The first man replies: “Well I was married to her for 65 years.”
Verdict: Good, simple sexist fodder though the attention to detail with the 65 years of marriage puts this fourball in their late ’80s.
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A man was addressing the ball when an announcement came over the loud speaker: “Will the gentleman on hole number one please not hit from the ladies’ tee box.”
The man backs away, a little distracted, then approaches his ball again. As he does, the same announcement comes over the loud speaker.
The man is getting irritated now, and after backing away from his shot, approaches his ball one more time. This time the announcement came: “We really need the gentleman on hole number one to move off of the ladies’ tee box!”
To which the man turns around and yells: “And I really need the announcer to shut up and let me play my second shot!”
Verdict: The old classic and one for the golfing cognoscenti. We can see the punchline coming, and we might have heard it 20 times before, but, said with conviction, you can have the whole room in stitches if enough drink has been taken.
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An American citizen is vacationing on his own in Ireland. He decides to play a round and is paired with three locals.
He takes a few practice swings, steps up to the 1st tee, and proceeds to hook the ball out of bounds. He shakes his head, reaches in his pocket, and re-tees another ball. He tells his playing partners that he is taking a Mulligan. He pounds one down the centre of the fairway.
With a big smile, he asks the others: “In the States we call that a Mulligan. What do you called it here in Ireland?”
After a moment of silence, one of the locals replies: “Hitting three.”
Verdict: It could just as easily work in Scotland which opens it up to a larger audience. The bottom line, here being, that nobody likes a cheat.
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