You're all banging on about being able to smash 300 yard drives, which means the rest of your game must be perfect. In reality, says the Angry Club Golfer, we just need to play a length of course more suited to us
I’ve got a bee in my bonnet about golf course length. Did you know the average man drives it 215 yards and the average woman 148? Not my stats. These come straight from the boffins at the R&A before you start inundating my inbox with your tales of 300 yard howitzers.
And you will too, because many of you are living in such a fantasy land you’d carve out a decent career as a fiction writer.
For if that were true, if you were sending it almost PGA Tour length every time you teed it up, you’d have to be absolutely awful at EVERY other aspect of the game – given the average handicap in GB&I is 16.
Let’s admit a truth that’s hard to hear as we flex our imaginary biceps again on our way to the 1st.
For many of us, our golf course is too long.
Now before you start yelling – maybe you already are, I have that effect on people – let me also say the following.
I get that competitions are supposed to be a test. I get that the game isn’t supposed to be easy. I get that it’s part of the lure of the sport.
- More from the Angry Club Golfer: What should we be punished for Rory’s monster drives?
What gets me about contests at 6,500 yards plus, though, is the monotony. I get to a tee, I hit a driver. If I find the fairway, I hit a long iron, or a hybrid. If I miss the green, which I’m likely to because it’s quite difficult to find a small target from 200 yards, I hit a pitch. Maybe I’ll one-putt. Usually it’s two.
Just rinse and repeat, with the odd par 3 thrown in to occasionally break up the boredom.
It’s golf on autopilot.
Imagine, though, if that course was 6,000 yards or, and bear with me, even shorter. Now I’m going through the bag. I’m still hitting the long clubs but, if I’ve struck a good shot, maybe I’ve got the occasional 9-iron in my hands. You know, just like the pros do.
A good score is hardly guaranteed but aren’t we having a bit more fun? Isn’t this better than the crushing feeling of getting beaten up week after week, while delivering another half dozen sparkly new Pro V1s into the cabbage?
I’ve got a scheme that could sort it all out. No, listen, it will be great. Why not measure the tees we play based on swing speed?
So if you are one of those freaks that actually does dial it at 110 miles-an-hour then go off the whites, if you’re in the 90-to-100 bracket send it from the yellows. And so on.
It’s based on fact, because you swing it as fast as you swing it, and it would allow all of us to leave our egos at the door come competition day.
Don’t think you’ll all be down to scratch in a matter of weeks either. It’s possible to still play poorly on a shorter course would you believe, and CSS will mop up most of the rest of us.
Is what I’m suggesting so out there? Isn’t that better than going round and round and struggling to break a ton?
Has the Angry Club Golfer gone too far this time? Take him apart in the comments below or take the argument to Twitter.