I played in a greenkeepers’ revenge last weekend. All kinds of fun was had. Two flags on the 1st, no flag on one hole, pins on slopes, pins within a couple of inches of fringes, pins impossibly close to bunkers. Sometimes all of the above.
There was recognition of the difficulty created as a sleeve of ProV1s was available to anyone scoring more than 32 Stableford points – a feat achieved by two.
It’s all in the name of good honest winter ‘Fun’. But if my playing partners were anything to go by then we don’t all get the joke. I think we can be divided into four types:
The chuckle brothers
Those who laugh along and treat it as the hit and giggle it is designed to be. Oh how they laughed as the ball came back to their feet time and time again. Or they putted off the green from three feet. Also likely to be seen sports branded clothing from a stag do 25 years ago.
The misery moaner
Intentions of writing letters to the committee. This is our one bit of fun a week and it is ruined by this masochism. Mutterings of time being wasted and requests for two flags in future years. Position largely dictated by score.
The tour pro wannabe
Over analysis of every position. Pouring over the pin sheet. Deciding where the perfect leave is. Playing par 3s as two shotters to avoid being above the hole. Musing that this must be what tour life is like (spoiler: it isn’t and you will never know). Likely to become a Misery Moaner at the first whiff of a four putt.
The totally oblivious
Wouldn’t notice what the format was if someone hit them in the face with some white tees and a three-putt snake. Is literally just there for the fresh air, walk around, 35 points and some pro shop vouchers. They win every week without knowing how or why.
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Why exactly do the greenkeepers need to take revenge? What did we ever do wrong? I always repair my pitch marks, never hit when they are replacing flags on the green ahead, and categorically never, ever expect the course to be perfect as soon as the clocks go back.
Greenkeepers’ revenge is part of a series of winter competitions put on by club legend John Green, pro at Alwoodley Golf club for almost 30 years.
What comps are you subjected to in the name of fun over winter? Tweet me and let me know.
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