The 10 worst complaints about playing golf in winter
6. ‘It was plugged!’
Bunkers are particularly good in the winter as they turn more into, guess what, hazards where you get some stinky lies. The most likely one is the plugged lie which, much like the ball that ends in a fairway divot, turns grown men into hopping weirdos.
The words can’t leave our mouths quick enough to tell anyone who is even remotely interested, which is nobody, that your ball wasn’t lying perfectly and that you’ve been an all-out hero for even attempting to move the ball.
7. ‘I miss playing medals’
This tends to get trotted out when you’ve danced round your course, which is playing 1,200 yards shorter than usual and with no possibility of losing a ball due to there being no rough, in 39 points.
Having slagged off the practice of week-in, week-out medals for the past six months, and not being up to one single aspect of it, all of a sudden you quite fancy yourself again and you’re ready to take down everyone.
8. ‘Goddamn mud ball!’
Be honest, you watch too much PGA Tour on Sky and you’re generally a bit affected aren’t you? The chances are that you actually cleaned your ball in the first place or you just fatted it out the rough.
I’m really not sure that our pathetic swing speeds with a 7-iron are even capable of being sideswiped by a tiny loose impediment.
9. ‘I can’t swing in waterproofs’
The most common refrain of the winter golf season. All the technical glitches of the past 40 years can be easily washed away with a supposed clingy waterproof. The cold top? Let me just take my jacket off here.
Again, like the base layer thing, have a little run-out when you go down the range or, if that’s not a possibility, have a little swing before the round starts and if it’s getting in the way of your 120mph+ drivers then re-arrange your ensemble.
10. ‘But I always hit an 8-iron here?’
Another little life lesson, the ball doesn’t go as far when it’s cold. This happens every year but it doesn’t stop most of us falling into the age-old trap of blindly going about our business as we do the rest of the year.
A good tip is to hit three more clubs than usual – one for the drop in temperature and two for your general under-clubbing problem.
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Mark Townsend
Been watching and playing golf since the early 80s and generally still stuck in this period. Huge fan of all things Robert Rock, less so white belts. Handicap of 8, fragile mind and short game
