‘Ought to have a flight attendant on that ball!’: An afternoon with US golf fans is never boring

The 10th tee at East Lake is positioned perfectly for lazy people like me who don’t want to walk miles from the media centre in 30-plus-degree heat.

But forgive me. This hole delivered such joy on a sweltering Saturday at the Tour Championship which began with watching Scottie Scheffler, headphones in with his shirt untucked and shorts on, almost ruining a photo being taken of two marshalls working on the tee box.

The pair laughed out loud when they realised who had just stopped walking to avoid cutting off the camera was the Masters champion and World No.1.

At about 3.15 pm, I took on the strenuous 40-yard walk from my workstation to the tee area and lodged myself on the floor where I sat the previous day, next to the brown remnants of a banana that Hideki Matsuyama had thrown down.

Behind me and the green fence that I leant on were two fans trying to work out where the white tees for members would be placed, compared with the championship tees the players were driving from.

“There’s no shade here anymore,” one jovial marshall said to me. Didn’t I know it? The heat here in Atlanta is almost unbearable. “It’s hot, innit,” was the summary of Tommy Fleetwood when I mentioned the weather to him on Thursday, even for the standards of someone who lives in Dubai.

Another group of fans behind me were discussing the highs and lows of their most recent golf games, with one male dismissing his ability but taking consolation with what really matters when sharing the fairways with friends.

“I bring some cigars and I pack a little bit of liquor.”

The players walk up a semi-steep hill from the par-3 9th green to reach the 10th tee box. The marshalls on the 10th receive a signal from their colleagues on the 9th, and they then give a cross-armed gesture to marshalls further down the 10th, almost like the ground staff at an airport runway.

They were loving it, and why not? They’re working at a tournament with 30 of the best players on the planet.

Patrick Cantlay arrived with his caddie Joe LaCava, followed by Tommy Fleetwood and his lanky looper Ian Finnis. “Best hair on tour,” one spectator shouted. Fleetwood didn’t respond, so the fan must’ve been talking to LaCava.

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US golf fans won’t leave you wanting for entertainment

Shortly after triple-bogeying the 7th hole, the Englishman was unhappy with his tee shot here which he pushed to the right. His visible annoyance didn’t stop one fan attempting to start the ‘Tommy, Tommy, Tommy Fleetwood’ chant still ringing in his ears from the 2023 Ryder Cup in Italy, where he clinched the winning point for Europe.

A marshall offered LaCava a reprieve when he, who caddied for Tiger Woods during his win at the 2019 Masters, dropped Cantlay’s dog-shaped driver headcover without realising. The tee box emptied a little after Fleetwood left, but this was soon remedied by two-time PGA Championship winner Justin Thomas who brought a small pilgrimage with him to this uphill par 4 that features a cavernous dip in the fairway.

The cracking of cans and unscrewing of bottle lids filled the noise of my hour-long visit as fans took on sustenance in the intensely hot Atlanta cauldron. Thomas arrived in his light-blue golf joggers, wiping his brow and puffing his cheeks before striping a fairway wood down the middle of the hole. He was the only player I saw choose against hitting his driver.

Before Thomas was his playing partner Matthieu Pavon who teed his ball up and hit it as quickly as I’ve seen in my time playing and watching the game, in both the amateur and professional world. Could we see this pair in the same group again at next year’s Ryder Cup?

I looked to my right and saw one marshall had put down a green chair, extremely similar in look to the cluster of chairs from the Masters I’d pictured on Friday lining the back of the 18th green. I wouldn’t worry fella, no one is taking your spot inside the ropes.

Part of the reason I could so clearly hear the thoughts and digressions of the spectators was ironically due to so much background noise. The rumbling of outdoor portaloos by the 18th grandstand plus what I suspect was an air-conditioning machine gave everyone the license to speak openly without affecting the players’ concentration.

I had no signal on the tee and I didn’t take a tee sheet with me, which was a great call. Waiting for the next group was like watching Match of the Day without knowing the scores, or watching WWE’s Royal Rumble or ITV’s Take Me Out. Shane Lowry was next.

“He won The Open two years ago, or three years ago, or whatever,” I heard. It was five years ago but to be fair, where has that time gone?

Rory McIlroy was probably on the way as one member from the PGA Tour’s camera crew hoisted two large camera stands to the tee box. A policeman followed as did Sungjae Im and then McIlroy. The spectators attached themselves to the ropes as if it were one long, thin magnet. When Tiger Woods isn’t around, or Bryson DeChambeau (dare I say it), Rory is golf’s pied piper.

One fan behind me was telling his pals how Im goes about his business playing at TPC Sugarloaf, his home course in Duluth, Georgia. This was also the second day I was taken by the tan of McIlroy’s caddie Harry Diamond. Sure, Diamond and his boss spend a lot of time outdoors in hot places, but this was something else. All power to him.

Then McIlroy let fly with his driver which brought one of the great lines I’ve heard on a golf course.

“Holy moly, ought to have a stewardess on that ball.”

“Don’t you mean a flight attendant?” His friend replied. “I’m old school,” he said. Rightly or wrongly, this quote made it worth sitting in what was essentially an oven for far too long.

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