Alex Perry watched the Brooks Koepka Instagram Q&A so you don't have to. Here are the highlights, including a less-than-subtle pop at Bryson DeChambeau

If Brooks Koepka’s golf in 2020 had been half as good as his ability to crack jokes at Bryson DeChambeau’s expense, he’d have his Grand Slam by now. (Yes, I know the Masters hasn’t been played yet but I like that opening line and I’m keeping it.)

Koepka, who has only had two top 10s in an injury-riddled year, has already mocked DeChambeau several times in recent months – including the newly-crowned US Open champion’s ant rant at the WGC-FedEx St Jude Invitational as well as his tirade at a camera operator during the Rocket Mortgage Classic – but this time he’s said it all without saying anything at all.

During a Q&A on girlfriend Jena Sims’ Instagram, Koepka – and Jena – answered a number of questions. And, because it will disappear into the digital ether soon, here are the highlights, starting with golf’s biggest talking point

Hoodie or no hoodie on the golf course? “I don’t see any issue with it,” says Brooks. “Why is everybody complaining? You can wear it off the golf course. Doesn’t matter.”

That was followed by a question – and answer – not many will have expected…

What’s with the meathead, narcissistic persona? “Just to f*** with you, that’s why,” he jokes, before Jena adds: “He has a heart of gold. He is 100% authentically himself. He really doesn’t care what anyone thinks about him. He does so much for others and he really does have a soft sensitive side.”

OK. And back to golf…

Would you rather win five Green Jackets or the Grand Slam? He thought about this one for a few seconds before settling on the Slam. “Who says you can’t do both?” Jena added. She’s not wrong.

Which major did you party hardest after? “Probably the first one. I mean, we flew to Vegas right after. I’ll let you guys figure out what happened.” No need, Brooks.

How do you feel about people betting on you? “I honestly don’t care. I know you guys are trying to win money on me, but I’m trying to win more money when I’m playing.”

Which golfer do you respect the most? “For any player under 35, Tiger Woods is the reason we play golf. The game needs him, we need him, and he’s fun to watch as a fan.”

Favourite player to be paired with? “Bubba Watson.” He doesn’t give a reason – though does he really need to?

Which LPGA player would you most like to play with?Mel Reid. I’d love to play a round with her. She’s a cool chick and a lot of fun.”

Why don’t you have an equipment sponsor? “The freedom. I get to play whatever I want, whatever company might be the best. And I get to try everybody’s new stuff and don’t have to be tied down or locked down.”

Why aren’t you wearing the Nike Infinity Tour at the moment? “Because I just need a bit more stability for my knee. It’s been frustrating to develop a shoe then not to be able to wear them.”

New golf shoes

What’s the funniest thing you’ve heard someone shout? Koepka stops short of answering the actual question, but he does say that “as a player, you can hear everything – and you come up with some pretty creative stuff”.

What music do you listen to when practising? “I actually don’t listen to music when I play golf for the fact that, hearing the contact, the sound of the ball, everything like plays a big part in it. So I don’t listen to music. It’s part of one of the senses you need.”

Any advice for young golfers? “Honestly, just try to hit it as far as you can. When I started, I teed everything up just to hit it as far as I could. Once you get the distance down, you can start to bring it in.”

Who are the best athletes on tour? “Gary Woodland, Tony Finau, DJ.”

What’s the worst part of being a professional golfer? I’m not complaining – but being on the road for 30 weeks a year, away from family and people you love.

Then they move away from golf…

What’s your favourite beer? “Michelob Ultra,” Brooks says. No surprise here. He’s on their payroll, after all.

How did you two meet? “She DM’d me, I responded, and here we are today,” Brooks says before Jena adds: “Got to get what you want.” Anyone got Anna Kournikova’s number?

What do you like to do between golf tournaments? “Traveling the world,” they say in unison, before Jena adds “to non-golfing destinations”. “Yeah, no clubs,” Brooks sighs.

Tell us something about Brooks that we don’t know. “He hates ketchup!” says Jena. You what? Koepka also revealed he’s not a huge gamer, though he played FIFA in college. Which is a shame, because I would have had him down as a PES man.

And finally…

After watching all this, I’m sad no one asked about Bryson. “Yeah, there was a lot of them, I just chose not to talk about it,” Koepka says. “If you haven’t got anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”

Ouch.

Though, because we’re balanced, DeChambeau hasn’t retaliated to any of this, which is to his credit.

You’re still thinking about the ketchup thing, aren’t you?

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