Sorry, do you have somewhere to be? Stop whinging about slow play

Have you got somewhere pressing to be? Is the prospect of queuing up outside Ikea really more alluring than hanging on as the group in front hack around the rough?

I know which scenario has a more satisfactory ending – and it’s not shoving a flat pack sofa bed into the back of the car.

Have you forgotten so quickly how we’ve just spent the last two months holed up in our homes?

You’re on the course, the weather’s been glorious, and you’re smacking the stopwatch while bellyaching because it’s going to take more than three and a half hours.

Yes, fourballs have finally returned and – within 150 minutes in the case of one golf club – so has the moaning.

8.00am.. The First Fourballs for 3 months tee off.

10.30am. . FIRST COMPLAINT ABOUT SLOW PLAY. #predictable #4hours #slowplay #fouballs.

— Wellow Golf Club (@WellowGolfClub) June 1, 2020

I expect many of you are disappointed. You thought I’d be going crazy as the menace of slow play returns to the fairways, didn’t you?

But what else am I going to do at the moment, go back to work? We can’t have a pint, just picking up a bacon sandwich carries with it even more than the usual risk of spending a fortnight in intensive care, and it’s back in the motor as soon as we’ve putted out on the last.

Excuse me if I’m not exactly eager to return to the realities of a Covid-19 world. Forgive me should the prospect of spending an extra half an hour away from listening to headlines about disintegrating social distancing, and a death toll that’s starting to sound more and more like a high score on a video game, makes me a selfish jerk.

Golf should be your escape. It’s about the only time we can all get together, talk crap, and not have someone nosing out of their window trying to work out if we’ve broken the rules.

If bringing back fourballs means it takes a little longer, so be it. If it requires a bit more hanging around, I’m on board.

Just being on the course is good enough. For now. The alternative doesn’t bear thinking about.

Has the Angry Club Golfer got it right? Have your say in the comments or why not tweet him?

• Read the rest of the Angry Club Golfer’s rants right here

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