‘I know how that captain may feel – I botched my drive-in’

The only way my Captain’s Drive-In could have gone worse was if my effort had been sent whistling round the internet.

I’ve interviewed some of golf’s biggest names, given speeches in front of hundreds of people, and spoken to tens of thousands on live radio.

But nothing terrified me more during my year as a club captain than hitting the first shot. Seven years on, I can remember the sleep-stricken nights. They went on for weeks.

I can remember the hours spent in the driving range trying to cure the curious hook I developed in the run up to hitting it. Fat lot of good that did me.

And I can still feel the fear, the tingling, and the butterflies ready to erupt from my chest (much like the scene-stealer in Alien) as I gingerly put club behind ball.

I believe it’s a club record which still stands. A paltry 97 yards. The ball did not soar. It scuttled.

This curve was so severe, the distance travelled so short, they hadn’t even accounted for it on the ‘guess the yardage’ sweepstake. The sheet started at 100 yards.

I think there is a video of it somewhere – hopefully buried very deep on facebook. I know it was on April 1. I was a genuine April Fool.

Though it still causes merriment whenever a new skipper takes office, I at least escaped a widespread internet outing.

By the way, please, please, please, don’t go looking for it.

No one wants to go viral like this, and certainly not for nearly decapitating your well-wishers.

But that’s what happened to the incumbent on the footage dominating social media. I’m sure you’ve all seen the video by now.

That's not how you want your captain's drive to go! 😳pic.twitter.com/zg0z6w7b5E

— National Club Golfer (@NCG_com) March 18, 2024

Check out that grand clubhouse, and all those spectators, as he gets ready. Hear the ironic cheers as he goes through the practice swings.

Witness the gasps as what can only be described as a ‘violent’ hook sends a whole row of people ducking for cover.

Prayers for anyone who got in the way.

Captain’s Drive In: Where did the tradition come from?

The uploaded video, of course, caused much mirth when sent into the ether. It’s racked up more than a million views on X, but there was no schadenfreude here. I knew exactly how he must have felt.

The whole Captain’s Drive-in is a curious practice. The club figurehead traditionally wasn’t elected, or picked, but won the role through a competition.

The champion golfer (ever heard that phrase before?) would then lead the club. At the Royal and Ancient Golf Club of St Andrews, that meant the title was bestowed on the winner of the annual Challenge for the Silver Club.

By the early 19th century there, you had to be elected to become captain. Makes sense if you think about it. Good players aren’t always good administrators.

Being captain can be about far more than just excelling in competitions. There are matches to organise, dinners to arrange, prizes to pay for. The list goes on.

But while the idea of a sporting episode to select the right player has died out, the practice of announcing their arrival in office has remained.

Thanks to camera phones, it now provides an annual opportunity for red faces.

I’m not suggesting for a second we dump the practice. Golf has changed a lot over the last few years – for good and ill you might feel – but the Captain’s Drive-In provides a nice opportunity for a club community to come together.

Even if the result isn’t always what the participant might wish.

If I could give some advice to our stricken hero – not that he’ll need it – it would be not to stress too much about the outcome.

I picked up a chunk of prize money the day I botched my drive. My team finished second in the first competition. We raised a lot of money for charity over my 12 months and I had an epic Captain’s weekend at Formby.

The year was a resounding success which one awkward moment couldn’t spoil.

And while high drives which split the fairway are soon forgotten, a moment of excellence blurring into all the others, surely no one ever forgets the day when things go awry.

If life is about telling stories, this is one which will be spoken of for years to come. That shouldn’t be a cause for embarrassment. It’s how club legends are made.

Now have your say

Been a captain yourselves? How did your captain’s drive-in go? Can you beat my record of 96 yards? Tell me your tale by leaving me a comment on X.

• NOW READ: Is it still an honour to be club captain?