Mark Townsend: Anthony Wall. Not really. The golfer I’d like to get trolleyed with is Eddie Pepperell. Also Jordan Spieth, Jason Dufner, Marc Leishman, Chris Wood and David Duval. Maybe Shane Lowry, too. Rickie Fowler and Tommy Fleetwood would be nice. And of course Robert Rock. And John E Morgan. And James Morrison.
Alex Perry: I’m all in on Morgan. He’s definitely got some stories to tell. What would you ask them to get the conversation started?
Mark Townsend: What would you like to drink?
Alex Perry: Pepps, lager. Spiethy, lager. Woody, lager, sometimes cider.
James Savage: I’m going on a 48-hour bender in Vegas with Tiger Woods.
Alex Perry: Like in The Hangover? There was a tiger in The Hangover.
Mark Townsend: I don’t think I’d fancy Bubba Watson or anyone overly religious.
Alex Perry: I’d quite like Bubba on my side in a scrap. Remember that episode of The Simpsons where the gangs are fighting in their home and the little guy just does nothing then out of nowhere destroys everyone? That would be Bubba. John Daly would be interesting. And a good person to have on your side in a bar fight. Though I can’t imagine either of you in a bar fight.
James Savage: Not sure Spieth would be much fun. Imagine how long it would take him to order a drink.
Alex Perry: Andy Sullivan would be good because he’d tell you the stories you want to hear. I’m all about who tells the best stories.
James Savage: I’m taking Dustin Johnson to Vegas, too. And Phil Mickelson. James Hahn is first reserve. Tiger and Phil will be BFFs by the end of it.
Mark Townsend: I’d also like to go for a pint with Scott Hend, not sure why particularly but mainly because he’s an Aussie who, along with the Germans, are my favourite nationality.
Alex Perry: I like Aussies generally – having lived with about six in my time you learn to love them – but Adam Scott was really dull when I met him. Pleasant, but didn’t seem up for a laugh. Suppose I could just get lost in his eyes…
Mark Townsend: Couple of snifters and he’d drop Media Adam and be a right laugh.
Alex Perry: What do you reckon he drinks?
Mark Townsend: Bottled lager.
James Savage: Imagine the low-hanging fruit on a night out with Adam Scott.
Mark Townsend: Yes, position Scotty, Rocky and Rickie in one corner, and then me, Lowry and the Duf glide over late doors.
Alex Perry: If that’s what we’re after, put Victor Dubuisson top of my list.
Mark Townsend: As many Frenchmen and Northern Europeans as possible. Imagine being a proper mate of Dubs and getting hair tips.
Alex: The morning after we’re just sitting in his front room nibbling cheese.
Mark Townsend: Small glass of vin rouge and Edith Piaf on in the background.
James Savage: I’ve been thinking about my Vegas trip a lot. Even found myself getting excited at the prospect – a bit like when you start spending imaginary lottery jackpot winnings.
Alex Perry: Are you going to sort a hashtag for the trip?
James Savage: Nah. It’s more of a ‘what happens on tour, stays on tour’ vibe. I’ve ordered the T-shirts.
Alex Perry: What would they say?
James Savage: Tiger, DJ, Phil and Sav.
Alex Perry: Tiger, DJ, Phil and “Sav”.
James Savage: You won’t see the names anyway as we’re wearing black leather jackets.
Alex Perry: Cruising down the Strip in Grease Lightning.
James Savage: Listening to Eye of the Tiger by Survivor. Obviously.