If you’re fortunate enough to play the 2,409-yard course at Lundin Ladies, you’ll soon encounter three enormous and ancient stone monoliths – an unusual obstruction on one of Scotland’s oldest single-sex courses.

The club is one of the oldest independent clubs remaining in existence, having been officially opened in 1891 with its own clubhouse, course and staff.

So either this is the spot where Bilbo and the dwarves encountered those three trolls, or there’s something going on here.


’They’re the remains of three men who snuck on to the course without us knowing’

There used to be a fourth stone, but it’s been lost.  At one-time it would have formed the world’s most sturdy gazebo, but treasure hunters ruined that for everyone in 1792.

The stones stand sentry on the 2nd fairway of Lundin Ladies – evidence of an extinct society of men on a course reserved exclusively for women. It’s a terrifying, dystopian view of the future and a glimpse of what will happen if we gents aren’t careful.

‘They’re the remains of three men who snuck on the course without us knowing’ Further adding to the mythology of the site, an 18th Century excavation found buried beneath the stones evidence of cists, bones and possibly a jet button.


Not to be confused with Button jetting

The monoliths are made of red sandstone and although they’re described as the Standing Stanes, there’s little knowledge of what they were actually built for. Were they the burial stones of Danish chiefs, or maybe they’re the remains of a shelter, designed to protect ancient golfers from the Largo Law, an extinct volcano that sits nearby?

The Stanes date from 2000-1500BC, making them even older than Gary Player.

Another theory is that they are potent symbols of ancient sexual power – basically making them 18-feet phalluses in the middle of a golf course.

Ironically, it’s exactly this sort of testosterone-fuelled crap that makes women want to escape from us for a few hours, guys.


Innuendo – making women groan with boredom since 5000BC

The club suggests a 50p donation to visit the set of stones, but beware as you are in the firing line of golfers on the second hole. So whether its because of the nearby volcano or the lady members drilling a shot down the fairway – just be careful if you want to pay a visit to these ancient monuments.

If you do fancy running the gauntlet at Lundin Ladies, gentlemen and juniors are allowed to play the course. But the important question is, of course, do you get a free drop if you get stuck behind one of the stones?

Last week we discovered which Grand National winner slept the night before in stables at Haydock Park. Click HERE to find out more.