Two ways of looking at Tiger’s long-awaited return to the game…

Tiger’s back! Oh lordy, the GOAT is BACK! Look at him go, he’s a beast. He’s a gladiator, he’s a warrior, he’s Tiger. And he’s back, back in black.

Who else could not play a competitive round for 466 days and rocket to the top of a leaderboard that includes 10 of the victorious Ryder Cup team, the gold medal winner, the Open champion and the most in-form player on the planet (Matsuyama).

And Emiliano Grillo.

Why’s he sweating so much? Why is nobody else sweating? Where do his sideburns finish?

He’s even hitting the stinger. And with the 3-wood. He said he could hit all the shots ‘on call’, and here he is.

‘Leave it one yard,’ he confidently barks as he drills a mid iron in to kick-in range at the 8th. He’s leading. He’s only bloody top of the shop.

Why can’t he get the club twirl right? He always gets the club twirl right. Why haven’t they got any more shots other than the one of the harbour. Where is the Bahamas exactly?

What price is he for the Masters? Just think how much better than everyone he’ll be in four month’s time. This will be the bit in the feature film ‘Tiger – Phase 2’ where he runs through the market stalls of Philadelphia (play the music), hurdles some benches and sprints full pelt through the park, followed by some school children (cue the string section) before bouncing up the steps of the Museum of Art.

All the pain and misery of the past, let’s be honest, eight years can now be forgotten. He’s back. He’ll win this by 12, just like he did at Augusta..

Here we go, he’s at the 9th. He EAGLED this just yesterday so he’ll most likely repeat that. Can you imagine all the eagles he’s going to make at Augusta? How many par 5s are there at Erin Hills? Where is Erin Hills?

Oh god, he’s flubbing chips again. He said he was vulnerable, this is what he must have meant. Yep, there it is in the slo-mo, he’s too steep and there’s too much leading edge. I’ll just check Twitter to back up my theories which are based solely on what the commentator tells me.

Look how controlled the swing looks, let’s put a figure on what percentage he’s working at. Maybe 80? 82? And he’s not dipping his head as much which means he loses his height and that means, err, he doesn’t hit the ball quite as well.

Look how lean he looks, Notah Begay has just told us a great tale of how he has been doing press-ups with a glass of water on his back to engage his core.

If I knew what glutes were I’d say they were being activated. He’s even got some nice new shoes on.

Look, he’s smiling and is more engaged with his surrounds. He must be very content off the course, those dark days of 12 months ago must seem like a short lifetime away.

Here we go, his driving’s gone now. Everything’s going left, he’s too tight now. Hank Haney warned us about this in his book, he hates the driver and he’s only just started using this one.

And he doesn’t really know how to make the most of the adjustability on offer. He’s already told us he doesn’t know how to crank things.

This is still absolutely fine, a two-putt birdie at 15 and he can strike tomorrow. What’s that, Matsuyama is 148 under for his last five tournaments and JB Holmes is already -8?

Tiger will be alright, he’s Tiger, he won 14 Majors.

Oh Christ, he’s tugging his irons now. He’s disappeared into some tumbleweed, a third six of the day.

What a lovely sight, the old faithful Scotty brushing in another par putt. Just 26 putts all day. Pars are great at the US Open and level usually gets the job done there.

What price the Grand Slam in ’17? And then to repeat it in 2018?

Don’t go left at the last, hit the stinger, leave the driver where it is, they’re all bailing out down the right. What have you done now…