The days of Jack Nicklaus spending his summers down at Scioto Country Club are a lifetime away. We take a lighthearted look at how the world has changed

As Jack Nicklaus’ 80th birthday celebrations continue, the PGA Tour tweeted how Golden Bear spent his summer days as a teenager growing up in Ohio – and it makes for fascinating reading…

So let’s have some fun with this. Sticking to Nicklaus’ timings, let’s look at how the wannabe tour pro and dreamy teenager of today might compare to the 18-time major winner..

7.30am: Walk to Scioto Country Club, hit balls

Walk?! Get an Uber innit. Spend entirety of the journey with my head in my phone, stuck on a loop of the Holy Trinity: Insta, TikTok and Snapchat. Hit a few one-handed putts to leave room for some more phone time.

8.00am: Play 18 holes

Squeeze in 11 holes as got stuck behind a fourball of vets. Hit driver, 6-iron through the back of the 592-yard par-5 7th and upload a couple of driver videos for my 38 followers to enjoy.

11.30am: Hit balls

Smash a load of drivers into the apartment block that back onto the practice ground. Zap the building at 346 yards. Hit a couple of stingers for TikTok.

12.30pm: Practice putting

Have 13 new drills and gizmos to get through so time flies by. End the session switching to the claw as watched Westy use it in Abu Dhabi. Not sure I holed any putts but I’ve cleared the putting green which is good for my mindfulness. Upload my new gate drill to Insta Stories.

1.00pm: Lunch

Pile a burger and chips into my grid. One handed, obviously, for more phone time…

1.30pm Instruction with Jack Grout

Lesson with the assistant pro ‘Cheesey’. Want to get my clubhead speed up so we watch a few videos on his phone and he gets his wrench out and works his magic with a new setting. By the end of the session he has me carrying it 367.

He notes that I’m not actually carrying anything longer than an 9-iron so we make room for a ninth wedge in the bag.

2.30pm: Play 18 holes

Squeeze in eight holes as there’s a society of middle-aged men in Loudmouth trousers ahead of me. Concerned that my driver is now getting a bit ‘spinny’ on me, but get distracted when my phone lights up telling me I have a new follower.

6pm: Hit balls

Cheesey lends me some therabands out the shop so I can work on my lower-half resistance and I’m now sending it over the apartment block.

6.30pm: Family dinner at home

Uber to Chicken Cottage – Variety Box, natch – and manage to take a photo of it just before my phone dies.

7.30pm: Back to Scioto, hit balls

Cheesey comes and clips a few and we work on my gapping which, given I’ve now got wedges in one-degree increments, takes some doing. We end the day having a flop off with our 74-degree lobbers. I send one out there 185.

8pm: Walk home

Uber, of course. Give driver one-star rating because his phone charger didn’t reach into the back.