Yes, says Joe Urquhart

Yes, but only because I am so used to drowning her out already… (that took long, didn’t it?).

If you’re reading this I am of course joking, dear.

In all seriousness I think we’d dominate the world, a power couple if you will.

Think Beyonce and Jay-Z, yeah, that.

Sure, there would be squabbles here and there and probably the odd ‘why’d you give me that club’ but in general I think it would be great.

There’s nothing quite like spending some quality time with the one you love.

I mean when we’re at home our Saturday afternoons are filled with daydreams of my next round and countless trips to the kitchen just so I can get a look at how my swing is progressing in the hall mirror.

So any excuse to get out there works for me.

Like every amateur golfer I am so used to playing without a caddie that would it really make that much of a difference? Probably not.

We all have our routines and as long as she could hold her mouth long enough to stop reminding me I hadn’t unloaded the dishwasher two days ago I think we’d be alright (number two).

I am a severely mentally weak golfer at the best of times so anything that can distract me from my own game I am certain would have a positive effect.

Never again would I be alone with my thoughts. But then, I suppose, there will always be that sound of dull nagging in the background (that’s three).

Maybe these are my famous last words… for one reason or another. (that’s fo…

Golf caddie

No, says Mark Townsend

We tried this once and it worked a treat for two, maybe three holes, before boredom and a lack of stamina took over. I had gone to the trouble of putting together a pencil bag with no more than 10 clubs but even this was too much for what should have been an enjoyable after-work knock.

The only good thing about having the good lady on the bag would be the lack of any judgement after a wonky shot as there would be no knowledge (or interest) in what has just gone on. I could whiff a few chips, hit the wrong club, be too timid on the greens and inwardly talk myself out of anything and she would be none the wiser. This is mainly based on her dislike of the game and a general bemusement at how everyone takes it all so seriously. Golf, to her, is a nonsense and this would probably hinder rather than help my chances out on tour.

Plus I like to be indulged, I want a reaction if I do something good. I’m as needy as the next person. Despite the fact that my mum now can’t walk she would be the perfect caddie; she’s patient and sympathetic, two attributes that don’t spring easily to mind when it comes to my wife.

There was another occasion where she and her mum watched me and her dad have a game on a big family celebration. After one hole we reconvened on the green where the females in the party were stood there holding half a dozen rakes, explaining that ‘someone keeps leaving these in the sand’.