Who would caddie for you in the Masters Par 3 contest?

I’m joined in this edition of Fourball by Dan Murphy, Alex Perry and Steve Carroll as we let our minds drift to the fairly unlikely circumstance that we’re going to play at Augusta. Who will caddie for us in the Masters Par 3 contest, what’s in our wardrobe. You know, all the usual stuff…

What would you wear on Masters Sunday in the hope that it might have a Green Jacket to go with it that evening?

Dan: Navy trousers and a pale yellow polo. Actually maybe just a white polo. Possibly some tasteful brown shoes. A respectful outfit.

Alex: What goes with dark green? Answer: Nothing. White shirt, black or dark grey trousers, white shoes with a splash of black or dark grey.

Steve: I’ll go with the Gary Player look. Nothing can ever go wrong when you are kitted out head to toe in jet black.

Mark: Grey trousers – proper trousers not the usual golf spandex-like, stretchy ones – some black FJ Classics, a baby blue polo shirt and Seve navy V-neck sweater. And visor and not cap. So basically a hybrid of Seve’s two winning outfits.

What is the most likely occurrence that will reduce you to a few tears?

Alex: No tournament gets the tear ducts working like the Masters, but if Tiger gets No. 15 I won’t stop crying for a month.

Dan: The first few moments of Thursday coverage. When it becomes apparent that despite having to wait all day for the coverage to begin, there still aren’t any live pictures and by the time that there are we are only watching about the last three groups failing to appear on the first two pages of the leaderboard. And then again when I realise the leaderboard hasn’t in fact changed since an hour before coverage even began.

Steve: A splash of azaleas and a glimpse of the rhododendrons is enough to make me misty eyed. I was genuinely reaching for the tissues when Mickelson won in 2004 – how things change – and there’s always something every year that’s likely to get me going.

Mark: The music usually finishes me off at 8.01pm on Masters Thursday by which time I would have already blubbed a bit at seeing an empty chair for Arnie at the drive-in earlier that day. If Robert Rock was to caddie for Matt Wallace in the Masters Par 3 and then stiff one at the 9th that would also finish me off as would anything bad happening to Rory.

When the titles roll I also tend get a bit choked, again because of the BBC’s extended music outro and because it’s all over for another year.

golf major championship records

Who would you have as your caddie in the Masters Par 3?

Dan: I’m yet to find a caddie I am truly comfortable with so I’ll just sweat this one out by myself thanks. I find a caddie adds pressure as that makes two people I have let down every time a shot is less than perfect (which is every shot). Sorry about this but you did ask.

Steve: I’m barely comfortable in my own company, so adding someone else to the mix – especially when things aren’t going well – does not seem like a good idea. But there’s someone out there who enjoys long silences, and isn’t put off by intermittent sulking, then by all means hook me up.

Alex: Niall Horan, because he is doing so much for golf. It’s just wonderful to see and we should all applaud it. Boring answer: My dad or my best mate. Or Mark.

Mark: This wouldn’t do me any favours as his short game is as barbaric as mine and he makes me look positive but I’d have to go for a school friend who helped get me into golf nearly 40 years ago. On the plus side he’d hand me the putter without question from everywhere and he might well pipe one when I allow him to hit one at the 9th.

I know of one player who flogs this spot off for £10,000 a pop so I’d probably do that.