I’ve spent 25 years trying to hit the ball out of my shadow and now, apparently, it’s going too far. Excuse me if I don’t go straight into the loft, root out my old persimmon heads and relive the years when I couldn’t reach our par-3 14th with a driver.
Whoever wrote this report should come down to my club on Saturday. I’ll hand over the keys to my car if they can find anyone overcome by the “vast” distances they’re sending it.
To find out I’d suddenly morphed into Brooks Koepka was a bit of a surprise.
Remind me why his problem is my problem?
Courses are becoming obsolete, apparently. For the pros maybe.
My course is 6,600 yards off the whites. Most weeks, playing a medal is water torture.
“Hitting it longer reduces variety and creativity of shots.” For the pros maybe. I’m lucky if I can get one shot in 10 to go where I intended.
My rounds are an exercise in the unexpected.
I’ve just forked out £500 for a new driver (yes, it was the promise of two extra yards that had me running to the till with an open wallet). Are you telling me that it might one day be declared illegal?
Or that I need to go through all the old balls I’ve got in my bag to make sure they’re “conforming”?
Vaguely round, without too many scuffs, and not covered in mud are the only metrics I care about.
And all of this just because Rory McIlroy and friends are driving par 4s? Give me a break.
As far as I’m concerned, golf’s still bloody hard. How do I know this? I look at the scorecard with the net 79 that has my signature on it. That’s not an aberration. It’s the norm.
What might all this do – make it even harder? Where’s that going to end? Will there be one set of clubs for me and different ones for you?
If I play with my 1-handicap pal (I say pal, he only ever speaks to me when he wants a partner with some shots in the annual fourball) in the club championship, is he going to have to use a dialled-down ball? The banter would be priceless. This might be the stupidest idea ever.
- Related: R&A-USGA report says increasing distance must end
- Related: Will the R&A’s distance survey change golf as we know it
Because this is what will actually happen. The shop will offer the pro alongside the ‘dumbed down’ version of clubs and balls. My ego will drive me to distraction.
I’ll buy the slowed-down ball Rory’s forced to use and then moan like crazy when it flies like the things I’m already hitting on the driving range.
That’s if I can find that pinprick of a sweetspot on the clubhead that looks like it was made for James Braid.
Leave our game alone. I’ve waited decades to finally get it to go any distance off the tee. I’ll be damned if I’m letting you take that away now.
And it’s not just me – I’m speaking for the 99 per cent of golfers here who can’t blow it on to a 600-yard par 5 with a drive and an iron.
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