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The art of captaincy
Brearley, Johnson, Langer, McBride, Bremner, Jacklin... Townsend?
THESE are busy times. The past month has been filled with wedding plans – food tasting and some of life’s great decisions: beef or lamb, fancies or no fancies, runners or no runners on tables, invites, photographers, florists, DJs, coach hire blah blah snooze yawn blah. But my mind can’t settle.
The drive to and from work is dominated by one thing. Conversations, every so often important, are stifled as my eyes glaze over and my thoughts depart elsewhere.
To my stag do and how best to arrange my fourballs and foursomes pairings.
Having argued long and hard with the tournament committee to stamp out the option of greensomes, gruesomes and singles to encourage a more ‘fun’ aspect, we are left with a race to six and a half points.
A race made harder by the opposition having half their team with a handicap of three and under, including a professional, plus a couple of enormous bandits against a team half of whom aren’t guaranteed to make contact with the ball when within 20 yards of the green. And they’re the low handicappers.
The rest, meanwhile, will need buggying around to manage 36 holes due to a diet of Benson & Hedges and three recent back operations.
Having for three weeks pondered an Azinger-style pod system, two groups of four – play together, lunch together, drink together drive to the course together, play table tennis together – I have settled upon a SWOT analysis, only without the opportunities.
And the threats.
I have settled upon a SWOT analysis, only without the opportunities. And the threats.
The players’ names have been shortened to initials to save any embarrassment.
CP, handicap 2
Strength: No weaknesses, can also chip soundly
Weakness: Hates the team environment, despises matchplay, would rather a 72-hole medal and is liable to spend at least one round in the Nick Faldo role to some unfortunate David Gilford
DD, handicap 6
Strength: Determined, hates losing
Weakness: Loses a lot. Temperament a huge issue and hands become highly electric when chipping
JC, handicap 9
Strength: Rarely misses a fairway, hits a lot of greens
Weakness: Rarely finishes a hole after he misses a green
JP, handicap 11
Strength: A natural, able to chip and upbeat
Weakness: Doesn’t play and uses gear that was big on tour before it was called the tour
AN, handicap 15
Strength: The final member of the Great Triumvirate who can find the green from within 30 yards
Weakness: Has more aches and pains than Darren Anderton
JD, handicap 16
Strength: Another natural from a bygone age
Weakness: Unfortunately as is his swing. Will come into the tournament lightly raced with one round in 18 months
CD, handicap 17
Strength: Experience, passion, born winner
Weakness: Been some time since he was born, or won. Heavily reliant on a buggy
MT, handicap 7
Strength: Knows it could be his defining moment in the game. Will have the pick of his partners
Weakness: Playing captain role will sit heavily, and badly, on shoulders
How best to plan a round of foursomes from this? Do we pair bombers with bombers (we’ve got no bombers), friends with friends (three members don’t know anyone) or will opposites attract (club thrower/non club-thrower)?
And then there is my style of captaincy – softly, softly, catchee monkey and then get in their faces when we lose the first session or huddle up before the opening ceremony with a reading from Kipling and a blast of Land Of My Fathers.
The big thing for Monty last year was getting his opening speech right so, taking a leaf from the great man’s book, if my motley crew leave the curry house on the Friday night feeling like they are one point up then I will already have done my job.
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- My most cherished possession
- Can this year match last?
- Pro-Celebrity Golf, 2011 style
- The Pro-Am experience
- Chipping salvation at last. Possibly.
- My love for Seve
- Feeling sorry for Rory, and myself
- My search for a hero
- The art of captaincy
- The voices inside my head
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