COMMENT: Mark Townsend column

The chyips

IF you play this game long enough a number of firsts are likely to crop up. For many these would include a hole-in-one, and a chance to bore anyone and everyone rigid, while for others it might be the first time they broke 100, 90 or 80. Cue more stories.

For me, the more I get to play the more problems seem to arise. An advance in years, an over-vivid imagination and the power of negative thinking have led to a few problem areas in my quest for greatness. Ten months ago a notable first was achieved when managing to double-hit a putt from around 40 feet. This didn’t actually come as a huge surprise as I had been threatening this feat for some time. Finally, in the fiercest heat of battle (an after-work knock with my best friend), it reared its ugly head.

For those with a sure touch on the greens this might be unthinkable, for someone who has the national grid running through their hands when within 40 yards of a flagstick it is fairly straightforward. All it takes is to top the ball and, being too afraid to follow through or commit to the shot with any confidence, then send it off in a totally different direction.

My scratch playing partner couldn’t even bring himself to question what had just gone on, an awkward car journey home followed and since that moment a cack-handed method has been put in place to keep the demons at bay. Further progress has since followed in my short game. Thanks to evil bunkering and the concept of greenside rough there will be occasions when the flat stick won’t suffice.

Having experimented with the Chris Couch technique – an American hero of mine (pictured) who won the Zurich Classic of New Orleans title in 2006 – of going cross-handed with the wedge, I then moved on to chipping one-handed (neither left nor right really worked out) and touched briefly on a few breathing techniques, (i.e. breathing) and visualisation practices (i.e looking at the ball) before playing a shot.

Now, I firmly believe, I have struck gold – chipping with my feet together. Video evidence appeared to reveal that my knees were too far ahead of the ball at impact, as well as remaining three inches ahead of it seconds after, while my hands were pinned somewhere, over-anxiously, near my throat. With this new breakthrough there is more chance of the body rotating and the ball finishing somewhere on the green.

Until the NHS finally recognise this as a bona fide medical condition it could, should you be a fellow ‘chyipper’, be your best solution.

Faldo and the British media

Every couple of years the British press gather at the BMW PGA Championship for a traditional catch-up with the Ryder Cup captain. I will admit to never being Nick Faldo’s biggest fan over my adolescent years but even his staunchest allies would admit this occasion wasn’t the finest moment of the three-time Open champion’s career.

Following a lengthy standoff over how many vice-captains he would have at his disposal – Q: How about four? Will you have four more?

NF: Four more, or four total, including me or not? – things gradually spiralled downwards.

An array of topics were met by either awkward or unfunny responses – think David Brent and multiply it by a large number – until everyone came away none the wiser on anything. Supposedly the six-time Major winner has mellowed over the years.
Sadly, his view of the British media appears to have changed little.

P.S. The low point of my month quickly followed one of the highlights for the magazine. Attempting to relay a congratulatory message, from all at NCG, to our columnist Ross Fisher for leading the US Open qualifying at Walton Heath, I only succeeded in texting my 76-year-old Aunty Ros in Leamington Spa, leading to no small amount of confused family phone calls.

My month in numbers

15 - Rounds played
0 - Positive thoughts
46 - Putts from off the green
2 - Balls lost practising on Saunton’s chipping green
1 - Number of fades attempted (16th Royal North Devon)
1 - No of shanks (16th Royal North Devon)