Lady Golfer Columnist: Claire Kane

The perils of marking a scorecard

They say the most important wood in your bag is your pencil, yet personally, every golf pencil I’ve owned seems to morph into a blunt, stubby instrument. What’s more I’ve yet to find a decent pencil sharpener that doesn’t shave off thick chunks of wood to uncover yet another section of broken lead. 

You would think in today’s world we would be using something more sophisticated than a slither of tree, a barrel of lead and a grubby little rubber stuck on the end which turns your card into a smudged, charcoal etching. 

The average card may only be 6” by 4” but you have to be a competitive golfer to understand the many pitfalls you can fall down and how picky some handicap secretaries can be. Many a card has been disqualified because the handicap has been forgotten (despite official handicaps being held on the competition database), or someone’s numeracy skill being a bit dodgy on the day. Not to mention the fundamental mistake of putting the card in the wrong box – something I once did. 
I often feel the scorecard simply doesn’t reflect the sheer effort endured during the round. One of the first steps is to note down the name of the comp, usually a combination of past members’ trophies, or a strange name such as a ‘bogey’ or ‘Gonne Quiche’– thankfully you don’t get penalised for spelling mistakes. 

I often feel the scorecard simply doesn’t reflect the sheer effort, pain and bad luck endured during a round, so wouldn’t it be fun to include the odd comment or acronym to explain a horrendous score: 

• FEISS (Fried Egg, Soft Sand) 
• BIDSOC (Ball In Divot, Shot Off Club) 
• BRISB (Ball Rolled Into Steep Bunker) 
• GRIP (Greenkeepers Revenge Impossible Pin) 
• WAIR (Wind Assisted Into Rough) 
• EBB (Extremely Bad Bounce) 
• MAL (Must Arrange Lessons) 

After 18 holes in the winter months, my card usually looks pretty beaten up so I pity the poor soul who has to decipher and double check my scrawling figures – I’m sure a few light-hearted comments would make their day. 

Meanwhile, let’s hope a clever soul invents a gadget so we can easily enter our scores electronically on the course and then simply hit ‘upload’ as we walk off the 18th.

About Claire Kane: Claire Kane is a freelance journalist, a keen golfer and someone who doesn’t take herself, or her golf, too seriously. Follow her tales on Twitter @golfsnippets

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