The Masters: Armchair spotter’s guide

Planning to stay glued to the television (and armchair) for the the year’s opening Major? Add an element of competition to your viewing.

How to play: Spot the following to score the points in the brackets


A Hazel Irvine introduction from Magnolia Lane (1) 

A David Livingstone introduction from Magnolia Lane (1)

Honorary starters making a joke about their age (2)

A run down of how cheap the the pimento and cheese sandwiches are (2)

Mention of the black market and how much it will set you back to get your hands on a pair of tickets (2)

Slightly uncomfortable observations on the verandah from a player who has opened with a 68 (2)

Someone on hand with a TrackMan on the 1st tee to tell us exactly how far Palmer, Player and Nicklaus’ balls have travelled (5)

Generic chat on the clubhouse lawn with a ‘celebrity’ e.g. DJ Spoony. Maximum of five (10)

Bad greenside interview from someone (never heard of before, never seen again) who clearly has not seen a single shot struck from the interviewee’s round (1)

Use of the words ‘picture perfect’, ‘paradise on earth’ and ‘died and gone to heaven’ from Ken Brown (1 for each)

Use of player’s stats, said in rapid fashion by Sky’s Tim Barter e.g. 16 greens, 28 putts, no bogeys, must feel pretty good? (2)

Realisation that the first round of the tournament has basically finished by the time the coverage starts (2)

Realisation that three of your four bets are basically on the way home by the time the live coverage starts (2)
Phil Mickelson to repeat his Banoffee Pie look of Sunday 2012 – Four points Realisation that Sergio Garcia, Steve Stricker and Geoff Ogilvy are not going to win this year’s Masters.

Interminable scrolling through the leaderboard, picking out a few Europeans who “had hoped for better things” this week as theres no golf to show/ it’s another commercial break from the host broadcaster… (2)

Culminating in ‘and there’s Woosie, round in 82 but he did birdie 15, is it really 23 years ago sinzzzzzzzzz’ (2)

The only player you haven’t backed/ didn’t realise was in the field has 13 single putts and then holes on the last for a 67. You immediately back him (3)

At least a couple of shanks. Score double if produced by Ian Poulter (2)

The handing over of the Green Jacket by Adam Scott and Billy Payne to be enjoyable and not inspire any cynicism (6)

The low amateur to say anything of interest in the Butler Cabin (3)


Phil Mickelson to repeat his Banoffee Pie look of Sunday 2012 (4)

Peter Alliss’ spectacles to be attached to his body via some string straps (3)

Palmer, Player and Nicklaus together (in ill-fitting clothes, and in Player’s case clothes that are way too big) (2)

BBC commentator Ken Brown to be attired in a stylish (most likely purple) turtle neck shirt (4)

Talk of spikeless shoes as though they have just been invented. Bit like the hybrid or ‘one of those rescue clubs’ was for at least 10 years after being introduced (3)

Butch Harmon’s ability to co-ordinate one single item of clothing with another (7)


90+ Graduate with honours
75+ Rock solid
50+ Acceptable enough
UNDER 50 Go to bed


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